Since I was little my mom taught me that the “proper” word for boobs in Spanish was “pepus” pronounced “pep-oos.” For those of you who speak Spanish, you may have never heard of this word because I’m convinced that my mom made it up.
I was asked to reflect on this month of October being National Breast Cancer Awareness month and write a blog about it. I had a hard time coming up with something profound because I haven’t had breast cancer nor have I been around someone extensively who has suffered from this disease. Thus, I don’t have direct personal experience. What I do have is the ability to put myself in people’s shoes rather deeply and understand what they are feeling and that’s what I will try to do in this blog. I do have one family member who is a survivor so I write this blog thinking of her and how I see her being her sexy self after she beat the disease.
When I was in high school, I had huge pepus. You can ask anyone who went to school with me. They were so large I used to say I wanted to have a breast reduction because of my odd torso-to-pepu proportion. God granted my wish when I started to practice yoga more regularly and they naturally reduced in size. Lesson learned: be careful what you ask for.
When my breasts reduced in size, I started feeling a bit less like a woman because of this change in my physique and in my perspective of myself. There used to be something that I felt with my large breasts, which was “The Power of the Pepu.” Then I reflected on the fact that if I felt this way with my breasts just getting smaller in size, I cannot imagine what it would feel like to have them completely removed.
These symbols of femininity were now nonexistent for those with breast cancer at the same time that so many changes are happening emotionally, internally and externally – a woman is losing her identity and her “vision” of herself, which on a VERY minor scale happened to me too. I know there is NO comparison at all to me losing my voluptuous breasts due to yoga but the feeling I had of being less-than-I-used-to-be may still be the same for those suffering from the disease plus much, much more. (Please correct me if I am wrong, survivors. I am willing to listen and I bow to your strength. Truly.)
One day I woke up and knew I had to shift something inside of me – instead of obsessing over what I had lost, I had to see what I still was… a woman, a sexy and strong woman who may have little pepus but can own them so powerfully that the largeness of who I am is way more beautiful than the flesh and fat hanging off my chest. My symbol of femininity is not just skin deep. It is soul deep! So for these cancer survivors like my aunt I say,
“You are one sexy woman! Go flaunt those powerful pepus from deep within!”
This is why I have chosen to share this photo of myself topless. Although my breasts are not visible, they are implied. I would have never done a photo shoot like this before freeing myself from my own limitations.
So, it’s time! It’s time to continue redefining what beautiful and sexy is for ourselves and for our youth. Here’s a hint… no one on the outside can tell you what that is. You must define it for yourself and own that definition, ladies! You are ALL woman!
Pepus Unite! 🙂
SOME INFO: October is National Breast Cancer Awareness month, which was created by the American Cancer Society, to increase awareness and raise funds for research, prevention, diagnosis, treatment, and cure. Breast cancer effects 1 in 8 women. There are different events organized all over the city in October that anyone can get involved with to help the cause and raise awareness, including runs, fundraisers, volunteering, and sponsorship opportunities. Feel free to leave your event info in the comments below and tag me on Facebook or Twitter so that I can share it and we can help raise awareness together.
Sending prayers to all the women and their families who have suffered or are currently suffering from this disease.
Namaste’, Rina
